Just checking in

Dear Loved Ones,

I hope you are safe, well, and managing this challenging time with some grace and peace. I debated writing because if your life has been anything like mine, you have been in a constant cycle of information consumption and may be at the point of information overload. Although I feel immense peace at this time, it is difficult to escape what is happening around us. 

My partner Naeem and I made the decision to drive from Houston to the DC-area late last week to be with his mom during this time. Although she is self-sufficient, we felt it was probably best to keep her company (and for some reason I hear my mom nagging the hell out of me to do it because that's what all good daughters do...hahaha). There's nothing more testing of one's love than being in a car for 22+ hours with a dog and not really able to get out and walk about freely. Alas, we made it intact and have been hunkering down and enjoying this time together.

During these crazy times, I can't help but reflect on all that life has taught me that is now coming in handy. For example...

• Growing up in and out of poverty, I learned early how to call a creditor and let them know "I don't have it", "I need a payment plan" and "It's fine if you cut me off, there are other options"

     or....

• While in Peace Corps, I learned how to be alone for long stretches of time with nothing but pen, paper, and random books. I do remember a time I created puppets out of clothespins and put on a full production solo- it could have won an award because it was that good or I was that bored...

     or...

• the time when I spent the summer in South Sudan and ate for about 6 weeks straight rice and beans and beans and rice-so many combinations can be made with those 2 simple ingredients. 

...and the list continues. These experiences, were unpleasant, challenging, and at times made me question myself and my ability to survive. Surprisingly, I survived and as a result of those not so nice experiences I feel confident moving through this not so nice experience with more confidence and calm that this too will pass, I too will survive, and one day I will use the lessons from this experience to improve, manage, navigate a future experience (hopefully one more pleasant like childbirth).

I'm not writing to diminish the feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness, etc that you may be feeling. Those are real, they need to be felt, and there is nothing wrong with not looking at this from a Polly Positive perspective. I am writing to let you know that even though this situation is uncertain, in this moment you are okay. You are reading this (hopefully with a slight smile) and you are okay. And it is my hope that as you continue moving through your day and the days that follow, that you remind yourself in those small moments that you are okay. You will survive, you will be better because of this. And if you have a hard time seeing that feel free to reach out- I am more than happy to be your Polly Positive when needed. For an extra boost I suggest this online sermon or this uplifting playlist.

Many prayers for your health and wellness. 

xo

Lessons in Love

When my mom first got sick, she was put under heavy sedation resulting in her being in a coma-like state for a few days. When she finally came to, we had a conversation about the state of her affairs- I listed all the things that had been taken care of or were being taken care of. She looked at me and asks "Who is going to take care of you?" Not really having an answer because I really didn't know, I just asked that when she got to heaven to nudge my husband in my direction because I was having no luck.

A couple weeks after burying my mom, I am getting back in the swing of things and re-connected with a man I had met years before (his recollection is I ghosted him, I believe that to be fake news😂). Our story, I feel is special, but perhaps not spectacular to others and even though this post is about love it's not particularly about our love story. It's about what I have learned in loving him. 

First, before I get to the things that I have found that has allowed our relationship to progress to this point, I want to share what I have learned about myself. 

**************

1) I am not a morning person, despite trying to convince myself for years that I am. That is a lie. I know it's a lie because my love wakes up early as hell with a certain spring in his step that I just can't understand. 

2) Listening is really hard and when I feel wronged or that I am right, my ability to listen diminishes significantly. Learning to listen has been a struggle but it has allowed for me to better understand his position resulting in a more compromised solution. 

3) I am OCD clean. I blame my mom. I'm pretty sure if I had a hand vac I would walk around with it. On the other hand, I have learned to live with the trail of socks he leaves behind after a long day. 

4) Despite my belief that I flow with life and live with endless faith, being with him has shown that there is layers to this living with faith thing. His faith is something I admire and am able to lean on when my own is waning. You really don't know that you lack faith until you meet someone who truly gives it to God. 

5) I am rather uptight. Again, I like to think that I go with the flow, but really my go with the flow is according to the calendar I have created. I'm in recovery. He on the other hand, flows so hard he can make a river jealous. 

I'm sure I could go on because I have learned so much but I think the biggest thing that I learned is what I want my relationship to entail. He may say I thought too much into this and we just go together like peanut butter and jelly, but I have to understand the why. I believe the why of why we work stems down to Peace, Purpose, and Partnership. 

If anyone comes to our home, you will probably notice that we are chill. Like really chill. Given the work that we do and the purpose that we have in life, keeping our home peaceful, a sanctuary, is essential for going out each day and doing what we do. We work towards maintaining peace so that we can be our best selves. Maintaining peace comes with a whole lot of patience, communication, forgiveness and understanding. Having a 2 bedroom doesn't hurt either. 

In the past I dated people who couldn't understand my purpose. I was put here to serve others and in serving others, I may spend a whole Saturday away facilitating groups or having evening calls with clients. He on the other hand, gives of himself so much to the students he serves daily. Working in the mental health space is no easy feat and it takes a special person to take on the challenges/issues of others. Understanding what he gives, understanding this to be his purpose, has kept me from getting upset when he comes home exhausted and doesn't want to talk. It gets me up in the early hours to say a prayer with him, get his lunch out, or to make sure he has what he needs for the day to do what he does. Having someone who understands your purpose is a game changer and not only understand but support it. 

Pretty much since the beginning, I have referred to him as my partner. It comes more naturally than boyfriend and feels more defining of what we have. We have a partnership. We do life together and do life together in way where we work together. Power dynamics have no place here, we want to see each other win and will do what we can to ensure that. We aren't worried about who's bringing the bread because we are eating regardless. Having a partner and being in a partnership has created a space for us to make a cross country move, for me to start a business, and for us to lovingly care for our dog Benny. Teamwork really does make the dream work. 

I have learned a lot in our 2.5 year journey together and I look forward to learning more. Although we don't celebrate Valentine's Day, it is my wish that anyone reading this feels, finds, and knows that they are loved. 💕

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Speak it into existence

If you asked me 10 years ago to speak something into existence my first question would have been "what am I speaking?" and the next question would be "how is speaking going to bring in it?" This phrase "Speak it into existence" is one of the many buzzwords I see flying across my social media feeds as more people are recognizing the importance of aligning your thoughts with your desires and are being more mindful of how thoughts can impact the way you experience things. Although I love the idea of mindfulness and thinking things into existence, I am also a realist and have to share that every time I see or hear this phrase I have the desire to follow up and say "and do the work to make it happen." A dream is a dream until you do the work needed to make it a reality. And honestly, I feel the last part is lost on people. I wish I could speak things into existence and they magically happen with no work on my part...that 10 lbs would be gone, that student loan debt forgiven, i'd be retired on a beach...you get it. 

This post is not to complain about all the those speakers but really to look at why we choose to speak and not act or to not speak at all. I know for myself, fear plays a big role in the reason why I don't speak or don't act. A fear that if I share what I truly desire it would be looked upon negatively, seen as unrealistic, and/or having to defend my vision to naysayers or those that lack the ability to dream themselves. I don't act because the idea of failing or not living up to what I "spoke" into existence and having to save face to those I so boldly declared my dreams to is not appealing. Fear is crippling y'all but a dream denied is equally crippling. So what now?

I have learned that you have to find those that you can speak things to and trust that they will not only support your dream, they will speak love and support into it as well. I have found it important to find those folks that are going to encourage the dream no matter how outrageous because they believe that you can do anything. Find the people that are going to hold you accountable and find the people that move with you if decide to change that dream. Find the people that lift you up, remind you of your greatness, and help you see your dream when clouds may get in the way. Beside finding your folks, I think it's equally important to ready yourself for the work to make it happen. Don't speak unless you're ready to act.