Gratitude.

 Whewwwwwwwwwww......... I made it! I don't know why I am so excited about saying that but given this year it just feels right. I have felt immense gratitude and joy throughout the day because I made it. I survived 2020. Mind, Body, and Spirit intact. I don't take it lightly. I am aware of the immense suffering that has occurred around me and around the world but somehow, I managed, to move through this year steadily and intentionally. As I reflected on what I wanted to share in this final message of the year, my mind went a million places. Do I speak on hope? Do I talk about how setbacks are the setup for the comeback? Do I write about all the lessons that were affirmed and presented? So much swirling in this big brain of mine. Alas, all of these messages come back to the word 'Gratitude'. 

This year has been what I call a beautiful struggle. I entered the year with so much optimism. Having started my first business a few months priors and revving up to launch a second business a few months after. I was optimistic about the opportunity to walk in my purpose with purpose. I was optimistic about all the doors that would open, the planes that would be flown, the magic to be created and then it seemed like the universe said "nope, not yet". But yet I am leaving this year with so much optimism and for that I am grateful. 

I thought I would write a list of those that have shown up for me in significant ways but then realized that this would require longer reading for you. For those that have shown their light on my path so I could see in the dark, thank you. For those that sent loving words that affirmed me, thank you. For those that created a way for me to do this sacred work, thank you. For those that reminded me of faith and God, thank you. For those that honored the space I needed in order to do what I have been called to do, thank you. For those that trusted me to guide, support, and hold you accountable as you navigate your own journey, thank you. For those that have created the space for me to share my soul, my essence, my truth, without judgement, thank you. 

I am grateful for the people who's path intermingled with mine this year. I am grateful for the experiences. I am grateful for love. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful. 

With that being said, thank you 2020 for all that you brought, all that you have shown, all that you will leave and thank you 2021 for all that you will be. 

Cheers to a new year!

xo

Courtney

My mom was my first white ally

My mom was no-nonsense and direct. Sometimes a little too direct. She wasn't a fan of injustice and would have no issue speaking her mind about any injustice that she witnessed. It wasn't until I got older that I could fully appreciate this way about her and it isn't until now that I recognize that my mom was my first white ally.

When a majority of my mom's family shunned her for marrying an African-American man and having brown babies, she re-created family from friends that accepted her. Her mother called her a n*gger-lover and called her children n*ggers, rather than cower, she let her mother know that wasn't acceptable putting further strain on that relationship. When her sister-in-law tried to hide away her brown kids during one particular Thanksgiving holiday, she swiftly grabbed her kids and left (of course after letting them know in her own way why she was out...all this before the meal was served). When she realized that lower income girls of color were unable to participate in Girls Scouts, she shifted funds from more privileged (white) troop members to cover their fees (later leading to her removal as the scout leader). She advocated for rehabilitative and restorative justice programs for incarcerated youth which including bringing an urban rooftop garden to a youth incarceration facility and bringing programs like Girls Scouts, Boy Scouts, and other personal development programs exposing mostly youth of color to different experiences and then ensuring that access to those experiences can continue post-incarceration. The list goes on and I am really proud of what she did with her privilege and power as a white woman. Reflecting on things now, I realized that my mom was okay with giving up her privilege, her power, her access, her reputation, her comfort in order to level the playing field. So when I think of an ally that is what I think. When I think of an ally, I think of someone who is willing to get in the trenches put their own comfort, power, access on the line to advocate and support the rights of people of color (or those different from them).

My mom set the bar high for any and every white person I come across. It is because of her that I know it may be difficult but it's possible to work toward justice, equity, and equality for all.

                                                                        (My mom, brothers and I)

Stamina

Stamina (n) 'The ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort'

Messages come to me when I meditate. Today during meditation the word 'stamina' came up. It's not a regular part of my vocabulary and it's not something I think about often so when it came up I had to make time to reflect on what message this word was bringing to me. 

In less than a year I started 2 businesses. These businesses have been in the making for years and 2019 and 2020 were the years that I was blessed to birth them. It took me 8 years to bring my first business to fruition and 4 years to bring the second. In the 3 weeks since Corona lockdown began, I had to convince myself multiple times that what I chose to do was not a wrong decision. I had to convince myself that leaving my "secure" job to follow my calling was not a wrong decision and that launching a second business at the start of a global pandemic wasn't wrong either. My ego was telling me otherwise. 

The ego is tricky. It will have you believing half-truths and false realities to keep you from living your best life. My ego kept me from pursuing my passion and purpose 8 years ago. It also has kept me from fully embracing this entrepreneurial life I have now. Silencing the ego requires work. Consistent work. I have to work my thoughts in a way to counteract the thoughts produced by the ego. One slip up can send me over the edge in the wrong direction. 

Like many other small business owners, I had to pivot my priorities to better align with the needs of my clients and potential clients at this time. I have also realized that in my pivot, I could have easily caught myself up in the frenzy of taking advantage of this period to prematurely launch products, services, and information in order to capitalize on the moment. I chose not to because I believe in sustainability and I believe in self-care. I remind myself constantly that I am in this game for the long haul and there is no need to scale up or out before it's time. I have also watched other small business owners who chose to scale up to match the moment burn themselves out resulting in lost detail in their delivery and increasing apathy towards a business that was once a passion. 

Thinking of longevity business-wise has allowed for me to think about longevity personally. Our days aren't guaranteed but I refuse to allow those posts saying I need to come out of quarantine with new skills, hobbies, or I wasted this time from influencing my thought process. I refuse to let quarantine rush any aspect of my life. This is a marathon and not a sprint and rather fuel false starts and dead ends I plan to remain committed to my path, my process, and my timeline.